Saturday, November 26, 2011

I couldn’t handle it yesterday. Today, I still won’t believe it.

November 25, 2011

My best friend died today.

We held hands, becki and I, squeezing every now and then, not daring to let go, hoping that some magic would kick in and our joint hands would bring him back. We had watched him. His labor breathing slowed. We know he was hurting. We know he’s in a better place. None of that takes away our pain.

I keep expecting to see him. His dark coat. His beautiful, soft, black coat. We kept some of it.

I keep expecting to hear him. His nails tap tap tapping on the bamboo floor. His prreow—I’m hungry.

I keep expecting to feel him. His twenty pounds of fur and fat flop onto my unsuspecting stomach. His soft velvety paws.

I said goodbye

I said I love you.

I said thank you for everything you’ve done.

I said thank you for being my friend.

I wasn’t ready.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

He was supposed to die of old age.

He wasn’t supposed to get cancer.

He wasn’t supposed to get heart disease.

He was only five.

He was my baby.

my friend
my confidant

I want him here. With me. Now.

I want to see him running down the stairs cause he hears the can opener.

He was too young.

My heart isn’t broken. It’s shattered. My husband tries to help me pick up the pieces, but it’s difficult. Every time I see his bowl, or think I hear him meow, I drop all the pieces again and cry the rest of my heart out.

It doesn’t feel right.

There is something missing.

The padding of little paws is gone.

He supposed to be sleeping on the couch. He’s supposed to roll over and look at me with those beautiful eyes.

To the very end those eyes were telling me everything would be ok. We lied for each other. I lied, telling him it was just medicine. It was going to make everything ok. Just like he told me.

I prayed. I begged God not to take him. What could He possibly want with a cat? He was so young. I promised I’d do anything, everything. I’d finish every project I ever started. I’d stop my schooling and start having kids. I wouldn’t go to Korea. I would give up everything to make that little ball of fur healthy, happy and whole again.

I know he’s still out there. He didn’t just cease to exist because his heart stopped. I know he’s watching over me. I just wish I could watch him too.

CIMG5086

two of my favorite guys in the whole world.

i will love you always, Bigotes.

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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Korea

We finally got our criminal background checks back--neither of us are criminals...big surprise.i could have told them that if they would have asked ;) We were finally able to get both our background checks and our diplomas notarized. Then we took them to the governor (well he/she wasn't technically the governor, i just remember that governor was in his/her title. maybe it was lieutenant governor, but that doesn't sound right. ANYWAY) to get apostatized (again, maybe not the right word. maybe it was apostulated?..who knows)

BASICALLY... we had a bunch of paperwork we needed done but couldn't do because the FBI hadn't gotten back to us and now they did so we were able to. :]

I have to tell you; it's pretty nerve-wracking. thinking that this time next year we will be nearing the END of our stay in Korea when we haven't even gotten the visas yet.

we have 33 days left in hawaii