I was thinking about something last night as I was rolling over for the zillionth time trying to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in (I use the term "comfortable" here loosely). For those of you who don't know, I'm 30 weeks pregnant (for those of you who have never been pregnant and this whole "weeks" thing is confusing, that's about 7 months pregnant). This is my 3rd kiddo, and he seems to demand more space than his sisters did (although I might be wrong; there are certain things you forget about being pregnant--it's so you'll have more kids later).
As I lay there, my brain spinning, a little voice said, "You really shouldn't complain. There are people that have it harder than you." Instantly I thought of friends who struggle to get pregnant, struggle to stay pregnant, or have pregnancies infinitely harder than mine (I'm looking at you HG, you miserable blighter). And then a kinder voice said, "Yes, there are people who have it hard, but it's all hard. Infertility is hard. Pregnancy is hard. Motherhood is hard. Life is hard. That's the point."
It's not a contest of who has it worse off. Thinking of these sweet friends and their struggles did help pull me out of my pity-party, and be grateful for what I have, but guess what? My groin, my back, my sides still ached and were just as sore as they had been before. "Someone has it worse than you" doesn't relieve the stress, worry, or pain that we are experiencing. All it does is add guilt to the mix. It is important to recognize our blessings, to be grateful for all we are given. It's also important to allow ourselves to feel. It's okay to be upset that sleep is so elusive. It's okay to cry. It's all okay, because guess what--life is hard. Life is pain, but life is also really beautiful.
Like I said, this is my 3rd pregnancy, and every time around, I am reminded of the incredible life lessons I learn while pregnant; for me, the biggest two are 1) that things hurt, and then they hurt worse, and then you're so incredibly blessed that you know you would do it all again. 2) Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. You don't stay pregnant. Your newborn will not stay a newborn. Your 3-year-old will not stay a 3-year-old. And even though you will always be a mother, how you mom, and who you mom won't stay the same. My mom isn't nearly as involved in my everyday life now as she was when I was 6 months old, or 6 years old, or even 16 years old. She "moms" differently now than she did then; and that's okay. It's all hard. It's all a blessing. Take a deep breath to survive the hard. Soak up the blessings. Give yourself a break. You're doing great.
Friday, July 27, 2018
Saturday, July 7, 2018
Tender
When I was a kid, I was once described by my mom as "tender-hearted." I don't remember where or why she said it, but the phrase always stuck with me. As I grew older, I learned that the world had another name for it: sap. There are considerably more negative connotations with the word "sap"; however, I embraced it and considered it one of my many flaws. I tried to laugh away how I cry at so many things (ASPCA commercials, Bambi, Dumbo, basically every Disney and Hallmark movie, the list goes on and on).
Then I had a daughter; that didn't fix my sappiness. If anything, it increased. It had this whole new world of motherhood to tap into. But here's the thing about my daughter (well, I actually have two, but it's the one daughter I want to focus on right now), I see her tender heart. I understand her tender-heartedness. It is not a flaw. I understand it now, and I'm terrified. The world will tell her that she needs to be hard. That her tenderness is a flaw. The world will show her that strength is hard and tenderness is the same as weakness. It will teach her that, especially as a woman, she must be strong; tenderness is weak. I know these things because I've seen them and felt them. But they aren't what scare me. The world is a hard and mean place. I know it will try to change her. What I'm scared of is ruining her tenderness before the world even lays a finger on her.
I worry that my overly-tired self will snap one too many times, and teach her to be hard. I'm worried that my too-easy-to-flare-temper will scare her into hardness. I worry that I will ruin her. I worry that she will learn hardness from me. That she, too, will one day label herself "sap," consider it a flaw, and laugh at it with the world. I worry that she won't see her tenderness for the strength that it is.
I pray for my sweet girl that her heart will stay tender. That she will forever be gentle. That she will forever be soft.
I read once that the world has enough hard women. I believe this to be true. There is not enough tenderness in this world; however, I live with some in my home. I hope I can protect it, so that someday she might be able to bring more tenderness to this world and help it embrace soft, and gentle, help it to see tenderness as strength. I hope to protect her so that she might help save us all. I know she's already saving me from hardness.
Then I had a daughter; that didn't fix my sappiness. If anything, it increased. It had this whole new world of motherhood to tap into. But here's the thing about my daughter (well, I actually have two, but it's the one daughter I want to focus on right now), I see her tender heart. I understand her tender-heartedness. It is not a flaw. I understand it now, and I'm terrified. The world will tell her that she needs to be hard. That her tenderness is a flaw. The world will show her that strength is hard and tenderness is the same as weakness. It will teach her that, especially as a woman, she must be strong; tenderness is weak. I know these things because I've seen them and felt them. But they aren't what scare me. The world is a hard and mean place. I know it will try to change her. What I'm scared of is ruining her tenderness before the world even lays a finger on her.
I worry that my overly-tired self will snap one too many times, and teach her to be hard. I'm worried that my too-easy-to-flare-temper will scare her into hardness. I worry that I will ruin her. I worry that she will learn hardness from me. That she, too, will one day label herself "sap," consider it a flaw, and laugh at it with the world. I worry that she won't see her tenderness for the strength that it is.
I pray for my sweet girl that her heart will stay tender. That she will forever be gentle. That she will forever be soft.
I read once that the world has enough hard women. I believe this to be true. There is not enough tenderness in this world; however, I live with some in my home. I hope I can protect it, so that someday she might be able to bring more tenderness to this world and help it embrace soft, and gentle, help it to see tenderness as strength. I hope to protect her so that she might help save us all. I know she's already saving me from hardness.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Refinding Me
So I may have mentioned before (on FB and whatnot) that I've recently been listening to a podcast called Better Than Happy by Jody Moore (It was called Bold New Mom); anyway, she's an LDS life-coach, and she does a bunch of podcasts (she's been doing them for a while now, and there are over 100) on different topics. Sometimes it's about being a parent, sometimes it's about setting personal goal, but it is ALWAYS about how our mindset determines our outcome.
Here's the thing, a year ago, I would have said "Yeah, right. Okay, sure" and brushed it off as new-age nonsense, but the way she describes it makes 100% sense. It's not sitting in a room, repeating "I am a millionaire" 150,000 times a day. That would be insane, but that's always how I had understood it. I had heard of "abundant mindset" before, but what I previously described is how it had always come across to me: totally nuts. What she says the difference between abundant and scarcity mindset isn't what you're telling yourself, but it's what you actually believe. She gives the example of time. If I'm constantly saying (generally unwittingly), "I don't have enough time." Then my tendency will be to panic, procrastinate, and then no, I won't have enough time to accomplish the tasks I wanted to. She says that if you have an abundant mindset, you say "I have enough time." There is no sense of panic, no sense of a looming clock tick tick ticking in the background; you do the things on your list because they're not overwhelming (because you have enough time, remember?), and then, yes, you do have enough time. Now she also warns that you can't just jump from scarcity to abundant because you won't believe it. You can't spend 20+ years telling yourself you don't have enough time, and then expect 20 minutes of repeating "I have enough time" to just change everything over night. You have to move to neutral territory before you move to abundance. So the move goes from "I don't have enough time, " to "Time will come." The concept of "I'm not there yet, but eventually, we'll get there."
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, time, money, love, patience--these are all things I've struggled with feeling like I have enough of (I mean, I have enough love, but do I dole it out enough??). I've been practicing "____ will come." Time will come. Money will come. Love will come. Patience will come. The other thing Jody Moore talks about is human's natural tendency to have an "All or nothing" attitude; basically, if I set a goal (say I want to work on my book for 2 hours), then the only way I succeed is by fulfilling that goal 100%. If I work on my book for 10 minutes, I've failed, but REALITY is I didn't fail because I did something. AND if I can only put in 10 minutes, then why bother at all. So either I work on it for 2 hours (all) or I don't work on it (nothing). If I work on it for 10 minutes, I may not have gotten it perfect, I may not have achieved exactly what I set out to achieve, but I did SOMETHING. Life is not all or nothing; every effort counts. Knitting is where I see this most clearly: If I'm knitting a sweater, and I only knit 3 stitches today, that's still 3 stitches closer to being done than I was at the beginning of the day. That's progress. Progress is success. Moving in the direction of your goal, even if it's just baby steps.
So when it comes to moving towards abundance, especially in the time and patience areas, every effort counts.
Again, why am I telling you all of this? Well, because you might see some changes I'm making, and I'm making them with my happiness and my family's happiness in mind. I fully understand that life is supposed to be hard, it's supposed to be a test, but that doesn't mean we have to go drudging through it, and if there are things we can take off our plate that lead us more toward that abundant mindset where we can say "I may not have been perfect today, but I sure tried, and that makes me happy," then I think that's a good thing. Every effort counts. Every stitch counts.
Here's the thing, a year ago, I would have said "Yeah, right. Okay, sure" and brushed it off as new-age nonsense, but the way she describes it makes 100% sense. It's not sitting in a room, repeating "I am a millionaire" 150,000 times a day. That would be insane, but that's always how I had understood it. I had heard of "abundant mindset" before, but what I previously described is how it had always come across to me: totally nuts. What she says the difference between abundant and scarcity mindset isn't what you're telling yourself, but it's what you actually believe. She gives the example of time. If I'm constantly saying (generally unwittingly), "I don't have enough time." Then my tendency will be to panic, procrastinate, and then no, I won't have enough time to accomplish the tasks I wanted to. She says that if you have an abundant mindset, you say "I have enough time." There is no sense of panic, no sense of a looming clock tick tick ticking in the background; you do the things on your list because they're not overwhelming (because you have enough time, remember?), and then, yes, you do have enough time. Now she also warns that you can't just jump from scarcity to abundant because you won't believe it. You can't spend 20+ years telling yourself you don't have enough time, and then expect 20 minutes of repeating "I have enough time" to just change everything over night. You have to move to neutral territory before you move to abundance. So the move goes from "I don't have enough time, " to "Time will come." The concept of "I'm not there yet, but eventually, we'll get there."
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, time, money, love, patience--these are all things I've struggled with feeling like I have enough of (I mean, I have enough love, but do I dole it out enough??). I've been practicing "____ will come." Time will come. Money will come. Love will come. Patience will come. The other thing Jody Moore talks about is human's natural tendency to have an "All or nothing" attitude; basically, if I set a goal (say I want to work on my book for 2 hours), then the only way I succeed is by fulfilling that goal 100%. If I work on my book for 10 minutes, I've failed, but REALITY is I didn't fail because I did something. AND if I can only put in 10 minutes, then why bother at all. So either I work on it for 2 hours (all) or I don't work on it (nothing). If I work on it for 10 minutes, I may not have gotten it perfect, I may not have achieved exactly what I set out to achieve, but I did SOMETHING. Life is not all or nothing; every effort counts. Knitting is where I see this most clearly: If I'm knitting a sweater, and I only knit 3 stitches today, that's still 3 stitches closer to being done than I was at the beginning of the day. That's progress. Progress is success. Moving in the direction of your goal, even if it's just baby steps.
So when it comes to moving towards abundance, especially in the time and patience areas, every effort counts.
Again, why am I telling you all of this? Well, because you might see some changes I'm making, and I'm making them with my happiness and my family's happiness in mind. I fully understand that life is supposed to be hard, it's supposed to be a test, but that doesn't mean we have to go drudging through it, and if there are things we can take off our plate that lead us more toward that abundant mindset where we can say "I may not have been perfect today, but I sure tried, and that makes me happy," then I think that's a good thing. Every effort counts. Every stitch counts.
Monday, June 18, 2018
3 years and 1.5 kids later...
Well, I don't know how many of you noticed, but I kind of fell off the blogging bandwagon after I had Julia. Mommy-dom consumed all. Hahaha.
So for those 3 readers of you I have....well, had....(assuming we're not friends on Facebook or in real life--if so how did you find me??) I've had another kid--Ginny. We call her "The Bean." Like jellybean, but Ginny-bean. (I'm not original...watch Practical Magic and you'll see what I mean). Anyway, she has added a whole new dimension to our life, love, and chaos. Coming in October, we'll be adding our first little boy into the mix: Edmund (yes, like from Narnia. No, we don't like Peter more.)
I've thought about jumping back on here and starting up again probably a million times, but life has a way of getting in its own way. I came to the realization (last night while watching Escape to the Country with Jake on Netflix--if you haven't watched it, you really should) that our kids should never be our excuse as to why we didn't do something (except sleep, because that's legit); I know people who don't want to travel until after their kids are all grown, and I just don't understand why. Why wouldn't you want to teach your kids that more than your tiny corner of the world exists? Why wouldn't you want to open their minds to new cultures and peoples? Why wouldn't you want to be there to see the wonder in their eyes? I mean, don't get me wrong. Traveling with toddlers can be a nightmare--believe me, I know--but no one is saying that traveling has to mean Europe or Asia. Traveling just getting out of dodge. We're in Pocatello, Idaho. Traveling is going to Salt Lake City.
Anyway, I digress.
Kids. I wanted kids. I have kids, and I'm not using them as an excuse (Seriously, you don't want to know how many times I had to get up while writing this post just to tell them to stop fighting long enough so Mommy could finish what she had to do).
These past couple of years have been a whirlwind of crazy love and adventure, but not much of it is documented--which makes me sad. Basically, I'm back, and I'm hoping to get back into documenting our life. If you're interested in our adventures, join us. If not, that's cool too. :)
So for those 3 readers of you I have....well, had....(assuming we're not friends on Facebook or in real life--if so how did you find me??) I've had another kid--Ginny. We call her "The Bean." Like jellybean, but Ginny-bean. (I'm not original...watch Practical Magic and you'll see what I mean). Anyway, she has added a whole new dimension to our life, love, and chaos. Coming in October, we'll be adding our first little boy into the mix: Edmund (yes, like from Narnia. No, we don't like Peter more.)
I've thought about jumping back on here and starting up again probably a million times, but life has a way of getting in its own way. I came to the realization (last night while watching Escape to the Country with Jake on Netflix--if you haven't watched it, you really should) that our kids should never be our excuse as to why we didn't do something (except sleep, because that's legit); I know people who don't want to travel until after their kids are all grown, and I just don't understand why. Why wouldn't you want to teach your kids that more than your tiny corner of the world exists? Why wouldn't you want to open their minds to new cultures and peoples? Why wouldn't you want to be there to see the wonder in their eyes? I mean, don't get me wrong. Traveling with toddlers can be a nightmare--believe me, I know--but no one is saying that traveling has to mean Europe or Asia. Traveling just getting out of dodge. We're in Pocatello, Idaho. Traveling is going to Salt Lake City.
Anyway, I digress.
Kids. I wanted kids. I have kids, and I'm not using them as an excuse (Seriously, you don't want to know how many times I had to get up while writing this post just to tell them to stop fighting long enough so Mommy could finish what she had to do).
These past couple of years have been a whirlwind of crazy love and adventure, but not much of it is documented--which makes me sad. Basically, I'm back, and I'm hoping to get back into documenting our life. If you're interested in our adventures, join us. If not, that's cool too. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)